Win Back the Love of Your Ex with Amy and Mirabelle
It hurts when the person you love starts to turn away from you.
Maybe you notice that he's just not as "into" being with you as he used to be. She doesn't seem to want to spend as much time with you, and she always seems preoccupied when you are together. When you go out to dinner together, he talks to other people or spends the whole time on his cellphone. You can't seem to catch her eye. He doesn't laugh spontaneously like he used to, or reach out and touch you. She avoids talking about anything resembling intimacy or the past you shared together. He mentions plans for the future that don't include you.
You don't know this person. If you didn't know better, you'd say that your lover's body has been possessed by a stranger, and the man or woman you love is no longer inside.
I know what it's like to witness a relationship crumbling around you. It's something that affects men and women. And I know it's one of the worst experiences of a person's life.
It feels terrible. When you try to smile, your mouth won't participate. You can't afford to stop moving, because, if you do, your mind will start up again, torturing you with thoughts about what was said or done. There's a pressure in your chest, like you're getting physically sick. Your brain has gone numb. Going to work and performing every day takes more energy than you've got. You dream of going home to bed and pulling the covers over your head, letting your mind go blank with blessed darkness.
But that won't really help, because the reality is that your partner doesn't want to be with you any more, and that thought is more sickening than a fist to the head.
When you're in this situation, you need to reach out and ask for help.
You can't get through this on your own.
Grief isolates us, but isolation just makes us feel worse.
You need to allow people to help you, because you're literally not in your right mind. Intense pain makes us temporarily insane. We're liable to do things that are shockingly stupid, because we can't think straight for the grief and desperation that's choking us.
That's where other people can help. They can help us work through our emotions without doing anything that we'll later regret. They can help us start to heal.
Support and Advice You Can Trust
But maybe you're afraid of asking for help. Maybe you're too raw to face other people. Or maybe there's no one around you that you can trust, because the person you always used to turn to, in situations like this, was your partner ... and your partner is no longer available.
That's where I come in.
I wrote my book, 2nd Chance, along with my colleague Mirabelle Summers because I know just how devastating it is to feel like you're losing the one you love and just how panicked you feel when you have no idea how to win back their heart.
Never underestimate how deeply emotional trauma can wound you. It's as serious an injury as a car accident. If you don't believe me, just google "Broken Heart Syndrome."
2nd Chance: How to Win Back the Love of Your Ex is a 6-step program Mirabelle and I carefully developed to take men and women step-by-step through the process of:
- Getting through the immediate grief,
- Processing what happened,
- Initiating contact with your ex, and
- Fixing what went wrong so that you can get back together and stay together this time around.
It's written for people who are truly torn up about their relationship ending and who will do anything to make things right again. It's written to keep them from making mistakes that will only drive their ex farther and farther away. And it's a project close to my heart because I've been there, I know what you're going through, and I really do care.
Bad Advice is Worse than No Advice
What makes 2nd Chance different from the rest is that it don't sweep over the details.
It takes you hand-in-hand and leads you through the minefield of complicated emotions you're feeling, what you should do when you see your ex again, and how to broach that most difficult subject of all: what went wrong.
Making that first contact with your ex is one of the hardest parts of the process, but most books don't even explain how to do it. I've read other "get your ex back" books that say, "Now, when your ex gets in contact with you again, don't make it easy for them. Play hard to get, and make sure your ex knows you've been going on with your life and haven't been crying over them."
That kind of advice is not only stupid; it's dangerous.
Who's to say that your ex will get back in contact with you again? Who's to say that your ex won't just refuse to take your calls or respond to your texts? Who's to say that your ex will even be impressed by your display of "I'm just fine without you"? We're not in high school any more. Adults deal with their relationships with maturity and integrity, not game-playing.
If you're going to follow the 2nd Chance program, you need to know that some behaviors aren't allowed:
- Begging
- Pleading
- Bargaining
- Fudging the truth or flat-out lying
- Pretending that everything is okay when it's not
- Getting other people to intervene
This is between you and your partner, and how you deal with this crisis will determine the future of your relationship. You can't afford to act with anything less than your Highest Self.
You Have the Power to Change Everything
I'd also like to think that one of the things that makes 2nd Chance different from the rest is its compassion and caring.
I'm under no illusions that this is going to be easy for you. Relationships struggle for a reason, and clearly there is something not quite right in your relationship; otherwise, you'd still be happily together.
Fixing problems in relationships is difficult at the best of times, so when you're no longer communicating it can be almost impossible.
But it is possible. Never forget that.
The point of power is in YOU.
You are the wild card in this situation. If you continue to act the way you've always acted, then your relationship will continue on the path it's on and there's nothing you can do about it.
But if you decide to do something different...
If you decide to change how you act...
You can shift everything in an instant. That's how powerful you are.
Consider this. YOU are 50% of your relationship. What happens when 50% of something changes?
It changes everything.
All Your Questions Answered
But what do you do if you and your ex are no longer talking?
What if your ex is with someone else?
What if your ex says they love you but they're no longer "in love" with you?
What if they refuse to engage emotionally with you, so it feels like you're talking with a robot?
Why won't your ex come back to you when you know they still have feelings for you?
Mirabelle and I cover those questions and many more.
If you're on the verge of losing the person you love most, there's still hope.
2nd Chance: How to Win Back the Love of Your Ex is Mirabelle's and my gift to you. May your heart start to heal, your eyes start to open, and the love you once shared flow once again.
